So proud …

903i521248307C5BE1D5

There are many things I am proud of in my life I am not sure what I am most proud of. It is cliche but of course I am proud of my kids, when they were babies I would sit on their bedroom floors and listen to them breathe and sleep in wonder.

Now they are growing into people I am often amazed at the things they can do. My big boy was born so tiny and you would never know it now. He came into the world 9wks too early but it hasn’t ever held him back. The same for our girls always the overachiever I couldn’t just have one girl I had to aim higher and have identical twins. 

I am proud that I finished my university degree. I did this with a small baby (newborn through to 2yrs), and working.

I am proud that I put myself aside and spent time with my grandfather in the last few years of his life. That time I got to spend with my Pop was incredibly special and time that only I had.

Over the years I have had many things I have had to face and I have tackled each hurdle front on. I think I am proud of that. The thing is I am not sure I had a choice I simply had to get up and get on with things.

I am really proud of my loyalty as a friend and my willingness to get in and help others. I have been involved in lots of community based organisations and I love nothing more than knowing what I do makes a difference in the life of others. I don’t think that I am ever driven by anything more than to want to make things better for others or to try to make a path a bit smoother for others following along behind me. Whenever I feel like my motives for something are more about me than others then I will re-assess my involvement because that isn’t who I am.

I am proud that I am a good friend and will be the first to put my hand up to help others. I hate seeing suffering or sadness so I will go out of my way including going without myself to make a difference in someone else’s life.

A dear friend said to me that I would be proud one day of this period in my life. I am still not there at all. I still struggle with my actions in the past few years, I know that I need to accept that they have happened they are in the past and I need to more forward all of that is easy to say not quite so easy to do.

I am still yet to be able to get it all down to a manageable size but here’s hoping that will happen. For now it is still a Mt Everest size mistake and I am working with my new therapist to get it down to a speed hump in life. I am still not sure that I will ever be proud of myself through that period.

I know that I am proud for owning my Mental Health battle and I know that I am proud for not letting it beat me. I hope that I am showing that by putting my hand up and accepting that I can’t do it all. I hope through my challenges that others can learn to ask for help sooner.

One day I hope to write my books and be proud of those, I want to get rid of my self doubt and my self sabotage that would be something to be proud of.

Every day that my children are kind and thoughtful to others makes me proud. I find it hard to be proud of myself mostly because I don’t think I should be out there pounding my own chest and achievements, but I know that the harder option was to face up to things and I am proud that I have done that.

I am super proud that I survived the school holidays! I love the kids but having no space for myself is really exhausting so some days just getting through the day is something to be proud of.

It is hard to write about myself and how proud I am of the things I have said or done because it doesn’t come naturally to me. But I guess for now I am mostly proud that I am still here pushing on.

What about you what are you most proud of?

Cat xoxo 

Linking with Kirsty for #imustconfess

 

2 thoughts on “So proud …

I'd love to hear from you if you'd like to comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s