Living openly with anxiety and depression is hard. I know that sounds really strange but it is the truth. Part of me wishes it was all still hidden away and that I was living in quiet oblivion. I know that it needed to come out but it is hard to know what to say sometimes.
I have honestly lived with a heavy deep sadness for such a long time (not just weeks and not just since life unravelled spectacularly) I am talking probably even decades. I almost don’t know what it feels like to not be depressed or anxious on some level. I also think that there is a big difference between having depression (and still being able to enjoy the normal ups and downs in life) and being depressed or having an acute episode of depression whereby life feels pointless and the pain of depression (and its ever present side kick) anxiety just gets too much to cope with. Sometimes the acute episodes last days sometimes they linger for much longer. When I am lucky after an acute episode I can feel quite energetic about life and productive but lately it seems that the set point is 0 where for most people set point would be or even more! Continue reading